Sale of Red Lobster Will Pay Dividends. Literally.

The purchaser, Golden Gate Capital, also owns Payless Shoe Source and Zales. So when this sale closes in a few months, Red Lobster will be right where it belongs. Among friends.

"After tax and transaction costs Darden — which also includes Olive Garden, LongHorn Steakhouse, Bahama Breeze, Capital Grille and Seasons 52 – expects to receive about $1.6 billion in cash from the deal... The move will also allow Darden to maintain its 55 cent quarterly dividend."  You can read more in Forbes HERE. "Disappointing earnings from Red Lobster have long dragged down the 46 year old Darden and the most recent quarter was no exception. In March, Darden reported that sales for the seafood chain came in at $611 million, down 8.7% from a year earlier. Nevertheless Golden Gate Capital is optimistic, Managing Director Josh Olshansky said in a statement, 'Red Lobster is an exceptionally strong brand with an unparalleled market position in seafood casual dining.'"

But if that really is true, it's only because the rest of the segment is sinking even faster than Red Lobster. It sounds like a proverbial 'race to the bottom,' according to THIS article in QSR magazine.  "The seafood quick-service category has performed poorly in recent years... Long John Silver’s total U.S. sales dropped from $700 million in 2010 to $635 million in 2011."

The Other NRA

This morning I read several references to the upcoming  "NRA Show 2014" next weekend, and automatically assumed that referred to the National Rifle Association. But it turns out that there's another NRA, too: the National Restaurant Association.

I'd never heard of that NRA before. Its website (Restaurant.org) states that it is based in Washington, D.C., suggesting that its primary function is government lobbying. (According to Wikipedia, it has fought successfully across the country to block efforts to raise the minimum wage. It also apparently opposes legislation that would lower the Blood Alcohol Content threshold for Driving Under the Influence.)

How does it do that?  The primary vehicle appears to be Restaurant PAC ("Sound public policy begins by supporting and electing candidates to federal office who understand the restaurant industry...")

The NRA has actually been around for almost 100 years, apparently.   I laughed when I read on their History page that one of their slogans in the 1930s was, "Take Her Out to Dinner at Least Once a Week."

HomeTown Buffet To Crematorium

Does it say anything about the food at HomeTown Buffet ("9.99 for Dinner!") that a developer has applied to transform a defunct one into a funeral home and crematory that serves alcohol?  You can read more in the local newspaper HERE.

In case you haven't seen HomeTown Buffet's ubiquitous TV commercials, here's one:

RIP Red Lobster - Olive Garden Hybrids, Like Tears In Rain

You've probably seen from time-to-time those odd-looking 'combination' restaurants. The one I've seen most frequently is a combined KFC-Taco Bell (both owned by Yum! Brands).  Darden Restaurant group announced today that it will be closing all of its combination Olive Garden-Red Lobster restaurants in light of its plan to spin off Red Lobster.

THIS article today about the closings in the Orlando Sentinel (Darden is headquartered in Orlando) answered several interesting questions raised by this news.   Why are these bizarre combination restaurants built in the first place?  Is it hoped that customers may order food from both?  No.  It's for efficiency, apparently. The Olive Garden and Red Lobster shared a single kitchen in these combination restaurants, and then had separate dining rooms and separate entrances. (The fact that the Italian food at Olive Garden and seafood at Red Lobster could be prepared seamlessly in the same kitchen says a lot, I think, about the cuisine at each.)

What happens when one of these bizarre hybrid restaurants is closed?  The more successful of the two takes over the entire thing, apparently.  These hybrids will all be converted into larger Olive Gardens.  How long does that take?  A mere two weeks.  (And the existing Olive Garden halves will remain open for business the entire time.)

These hybrid Red Lobster-Olive Garden  restaurants were first launched less than three years ago.  A 3 minute segment from CNN Money about them from September 2012, which includes a bullish interview with Darden's CEO, Clarence Otis, has been posted on You Tube HERE.

"All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Time to die."

The History of the Chimichanga

I wrote HERE a few years ago about how Cinco de Mayo is not "Mexican Independence Day" (that's September 16th) but rather a celebration of a short lived, strategically insignificant victory by Mexican forces at the Battle of Puebla in 1862 over the French, who'd invaded Mexico over unpaid debts. Perhaps that's why Cinco de Mayo is not a national holiday in Mexico.

In that spirit, I decided to look into the history of the chimichanga this morning, on Cinco de Mayo 2014. The origins of the deep fried burrito are murky, according to THIS OC Weekly article. Though there's apparently general agreement that it first appeared on the Arizona-Sonora border, the name itself has no linguistic roots in Spanish.  (Apparently "chimi" means nothing by itself, and "changa" is a female monkey in Mexican Spanish.)  A Tucson, Arizona restaurant claims to've invented it in 1922, and another one in Phoenix claims to've made the first one in 1946.

You may enjoy this official music video for the song "Chimichanga" by Los Quintero de Sinaloa.

Three Words That Should Never Be Together

Maybe I'm just superstitious. But I feel like there are some words that should never, ever be put together, because, if they ever were, the mere speaking of them, like a sorcerer's incantation, might unwittingly unleash hellish demons or cosmic terrors on the Earth.

It's in that spirit that I encourage you never to speak this phrase aloud: Arby's Artisinal Melts.

And in that same vein, I beg you not to even move your lips while reading this phrase: How To Eat Vegan At Red Lobster.

Test: Are You The Type of Guy?

Here's another test for you.  There are two types of people in the world: those who will eagerly click HERE to view a new photo of Heidi Klum in a bikini eating a Bomb Pop popsicle, and those who couldn't care less.

Taco Bell Asks Rhetorically, "What's The Deal With Soy Lecithin?"

You might remember that back in January 2011 a class action lawsuit was filed against Taco Bell alleging that its taco meat was actually only 36% beef, with the rest consisting of, "extenders and other non-meat substances." I wrote HERE when the suit was quietly dropped a few months later.

Well, a new suit on behalf of a single customer in California is now making a claim of false advertising on similar grounds, and is seeking to have a court compel Taco Bell to stop using the term "beef," and instead change to "taco meat filling."  Taco Bell is responding proactively, as detailed in the ABC News piece below. It includes an on-camera interview with the President of Taco Bell, who insists that their meat is 88% beef.

Taco Bell has also now added THIS page to its website asserting that, "Our seasoned beef recipe consists of 88% Premium Beef and 12% Signature Recipe." The page goes on to explain in some detail what the other 12% consists of, with friendly titles like, "What's the deal with Soy Lecithin?" and "Why Trehalose?"



ABC US News | ABC Business News

Powdered Alcohol Coming?

This segment from the NBC Nightly News last night highlights a new product that may be coming to store shelves soon, Palcohol: powered alcohol that turns water into vodka and rum.

When this segment started airing, my initial thought was, "Within minutes of Palcohol hitting store shelves, a teenager will be snorting it somewhere." I'm not particularly against it being marketed. But it's nonetheless hard for me to conceive of any socially valuable use for it.  (Cocktails on the international space station?) So I laughed when, in the man-on-the-street interviews in this piece, the potential uses people come up with spontaneously are all, like, "sneak it into the ballet."

Today the Alcohol and Tobacco Tax and Trade Bureau rescinded its approval of the controversial new product, according to TIME magazine.

The "Golden Corral" Story (With Lobster)

To this day, I've never seen a "Golden Corral" restaurant in person, despite it being a nationwide chain, and despite having seen hundreds of TV commercials for it on ESPN over the last few years. THIS recent 15 second TV spot caught my eye in particular, because it advertised that diners at the all-you-can-eat "Golden Corral" buffet could now, for a limited time, also purchase lobster tails a la carte for an extra $3.99 each.

This offer raised so many questions (like "Why lobster?" and "Why now?" and "How many people who go to a $10 all-you-can-eat buffet really want to buy an a la carte lobster tail?"). And in the quest for answers, I learned so much more.

To use the language of crime, the 'Motive' and 'Opportunity' were spelled out in THIS Wall Street Journal article from last month. "Supply of lobster is plentiful and pushing down prices. This comes at a time when rising commodity costs are boosting the price of foods like beef and coffee... Inexpensive chain restaurants have jumped at the chance to add lobster's premium image to their menus. Golden Corral bought 200,000 pounds of frozen lobster tails last August. It paid $3.79 per tail... Golden Corral is now thawing the tails for a limited-time special, a common practice with tails served at inexpensive restaurants. (The tails have a 12-month frozen shelf life, Mr. McDevitt says.) The special is timed to lure diners after a cold winter that kept them eating at home, he says. At $3.99 a tail, the company isn't making a profit on the special, but it is likely to boost sales of buffet dinners, he says."

Has this business strategy worked, I wondered? It turns out that the North Carolina-based Golden Corral Corporation is privately owned. So it doesn't make its financial results public. Golden Corral Corporation is owned by Investors Management Corporation, or IMC, the founder, Chairman and largest shareholder of which, James Maynard, is also the co-founder of Golden Corral Corporation. In addition to Golden Corral, the IMC family of companies also includes an oncology management company, a building materials distributor, and an investment management firm.

I've always thought the name "Golden Corral" was an oddly imperfect one for a chain of buffet restaurants. The company's history, which dates back to the early 1970s as it turns out (detailed HERE) explains it all. "Golden Corral" began in 1973 as a single steakhouse in Fayetteville, North Carolina, when the co-founders had their application for a "Ponderosa" franchise turned down. They later expanded it into a chain of steakhouses that by 1987 had over 500 restaurants in 38 states, intentionally sited in small town markets with little competition. But by then American tastes and eating habits were changing, and the steakhouse business stalled. So in the early 1990s they evolved "Golden Corral" into the chain of all-you-can-eat buffet restaurants it is today.

I Have Seen The Future... At Chili's

I went to a Chili's recently for lunch, for the first time in a long time.  As soon as I sat down, I knew something was very different. There was some sort of tablet-like digital device at every table. I opened the menu and the first appetizer I saw was not, say, nachos, but rather fresh tableside guacamole.  And then was also an entire page of specially-priced Lunch Combos, featuring lighter options like salads and grilled chicken sandwiches.  The whole place was lighter, too, and less cave-like than I'd remembered.  It was like seeing an ex-girlfriend after a few years, and being surprised that she'd lost 30 lbs. and bought some new clothes.

Clearly, something was up.  I was conscious that I was experiencing some sort of  carefully calibrated, grander corporate wizardry, probably the result of painstaking quantitative analysis of lots of expensive consumer research. But what did this all mean?

I couldn't puzzle it out until I read THIS article in Forbes this morning, about how so-called Millennials are now critical drivers of the fast food and 'fast casual' restaurant businesses.  In an instant, I got the vision.  I had glimpsed the future at Chilis.

"For all the endless discussion over how terrible Millennials are.. this over-generalized generation represents a quarter of the U.S. population, [and] holds $1.3 trillion in spending power... Roughly defined as young adults ages 18 to 33, Millennials have... cut back annual restaurant visits by 21% over the last seven years... Ultimately, Palmer concludes, if Millennials’ current choices — higher-quality ingredients, better-value food, entertaining casual restaurants and a preference for digital engagement — are indicative of future consumption behavior, 'it will be critical for restaurant chains to assess their competitive position and adapt to these new realities.'”

KFC's "Double Down" Will Be Back

Why did the USA Today tout THIS as "Exclusive" news today, I wonder?  Is this either "exclusive" or "news," really?

Anyway, KFC announced that they will be bringing back their notoriously bread-less "Double Down" chicken sandwich for a limited time starting April 21. You may remember that the Double Down caused an indignant stir when it was first announced back in 2009.  (I wrote about it HERE.)

Curious what it actually tastes like? This reviewer says in part, "Wow that's salty... The nice thing about that is, if you really don't like this sandwich, you can use it as a salt lick for your horse."

"McLobster" Really Is Real (In Canada)

I just read that for the last several years select McDonald's in parts of Canada have been offering a lobster roll for a limited time each summer called the "McLobster."  When I first saw the name, I was sure it was a joke.  But it's real, apparently.

The company has no plans to offer the McLobster in the United States, however, it has announced. I wonder whether that's because they'd have trouble sourcing lobster in larger quantities, or whether that's because they assume (I suspect rightly) that not many McDonald's customers would really pay $6.75 for a McLobster roll, when they could instead get a familiar cheeseburger for $1.

What does the McLobster actually taste like?  THIS review posted on You Tube by a stereotypically genial Canadian guy ("They gave me an extra straw!") is very enthusiastic, actually.

Man Exposes Himself At Arby's: Trend?

THIS local news article, about a 30 year old man who apparently exposed himself to an Arby's employee while at their drive thru, got me wondering whether this sort of thing was common at fast food restaurants in general, and at their drive thru windows in particular.  Apparently, it is.

HERE's a story from April 2011 about a 43 year old Delaware man who walked into a McDonald's  in Newark with his fly open.  Oddly, I thought, when he fled he hopped on his motorcycle in the same state of undress, apparently. And HERE's another local news article from 2006,  about a 28 year old man who went through the drive thru at a McDonald's in New Britain, Connecticut with his pants unzipped. And HERE's local news about a similar occurrence at a McDonald's in Pennsylvania in 2011.

And this plague of crime is not limited to McDonald's. (Nor is it exclusively a young man's game.) HERE's a story from December 2013 about a 62 year old man who exposed himself in a KFC/Taco Bell in Georgia. And HERE's yet another local news story from Illinois just a few days ago about a  man who exposed himself illegally at a Taco Bell drive thru.  Twice.

What Does A "Flatizza" Really Taste Like?

If you, too, feel inundated recently by TV commercials for Subway's new (pizza-esque) 'Flatizza,' and nonetheless became intrigued, almost despite yourself, about what it really tasted like, you might want to watch:

• THIS favorable 2 minute review on You Tube. ("What's up? What's up, player? You lookin' at me like people can't get their hungry on in the front seat of their car, B?")
• Or THIS less favorable one ("It's salty, really salty..... I thought it was going to be better.  It's ok. It's salty...")
• Or THIS review, by a guy who kept pronouncing 'Flatizza' with an oddly distinct, high-pitched "teat" in the middle ("Subway's trying to kick it up a notch, which I think is good news for everybody.... I mean it's not, like, the best pizza in the world, but it's really good for what it is... I could probably eat two or three of these things... Maybe you could get a sandwich and this, you know?  You could kick it up a notch!")

Hot Sauce NIMBYism

I really like Sriracha sauce (aka "Rooster Sauce") and put it regularly on all kinds of foods. But a little goes a long way. If you take the cap off a bottle and inhale deeply, you can probably understand why the city council of the southern California city in which the Sriracha sauce is made, Irwindale, declared the factory a public nuisance yesterday. The manufacturer, Hoy Fung Foods, apparently has until June 1 to fix the problem.

Worryingly for Sriracha lovers, this follows a ruling by a Los Angeles Superior Court judge last November that ordered the same factory partially shut down amid complaints by nearby residents about the chili odor, and for measures to be taken immediately to mitigate it.

Off-Menu Fast Food Items: Secret For A Reason?

I first heard years ago that at In-N-Out Burger there were 'secret' off-menu items/preparations that could be ordered by regular customers in-the-know. I shrugged that off, however, because In-N-Out isn't a personal favorite of mine.

But the website Hack The Menu, which lists similar off-menu items apparently available at a wide variety of Americas largest fast food chains, including McDonalds, Subway, and Starbucks, intrigued me more.

That being said, a new review HERE of three of the Taco Bell off-menu items was a cold splash of reality.  The Taco Bell employees were totally unaware of these 'secret' items, apparently, and, while game to prepare them on request, had to be handed a cheat sheet to do so.  And in the end, the "Incredible Hulk" and "Superman" burritos seemed to me to be gut-busting ("extra potatoes, double portion of ground beef") mild deviations from existing menu items at more than double the normal price.

Taco Bell's PAC

I bet you didn't know that there's a formal group representing the collected interests of Taco Bell franchisees, and that its acronym is FRANMAC (the Taco Bell Franchise Management Council). Not only does FRANMAC have its own website, it also has a political group, a PAC.  Really, it's called TACO PAC.

According to THIS US News article, TACO PAC, "has contributed $71,000 to the campaigns of 48 Republicans and just $6,000 to two Democrats."  Once a year FRANMAC apparently "woos" congressional staffers with free tacos, burritos and nachos. Last year they doled out nearly 10,000 in all.

In re Sbarro

The pizza chain Sbarro filed for bankruptcy in March, for the second time in three years.

I laughed at the phraseology in THIS analysis, which notes that Quiznos and Sbarro, both of whom are currently in bankruptcy, are each offering "prepackaged cramdown" plans to their creditors, and refers to each of them in the jargon of US bankruptcy law as "melting ice cube companies."

This video below, in which a self-styled fast food reviewer heads enthusiastically to a Sbarro 18 months ago to sample their then highly touted "new and improved" pizza recipe,  may go some way toward explaining Sbarro's latest bankruptcy filing.  At the start of his journey, this reviewer seems genuinely to want to like it, which makes his subsequent on camera review even better, as he hesitantly says of the slice of pepperoni pizza dripping grease on a paper plate in the food court, "this pizza is - not incredible" and, with a wince, "the predominant flavor of the pizza is salt."

Apocalypse Now: The Bacon Bowl

The first time I ever saw the TV commercial for the "Perfect Bacon Bowl" (below), it immediately struck me as something that, if civilization crumbled tomorrow, would be regarded on hindsight as an obvious indicator of a decadent society in its twilight.

I also wonder what it implies about us that each box contains two of these.  If you're lounging on your sofa, comfortably wearing your Snuggie while you double fist ice cream sundaes in their own edible bacon bowls, you really are begging the Visigoths to come crashing through your front door.

I definitely would not have predicted, however, that, according to THIS profile of the inventor by CNN, he is a trim man from Utah who is gainfully employed as a research histologist.

It's already sold 2 million units, apparently.  But does it actually work?  Find out HERE.